Washing Up

Mum tells us that she has been washing up all day.  Saucepans, colanders, bowls, kettles ... the list goes on.  Apparently this is what you need to do to make sure that when camp stuff is packed away it is clean for the next year.  Dad went down to visit her while she was doing it, had a cup of tea and a sandwich and then came back home again.  He said that it was quite an operation.  We think he meant this in the military sense rather than the hospital sense but we aren't too sure about that.

When she came back, Dad cooked her tea and then she did the washing up.  Again.

Fried, Egg and Spoon xxx

Fried's comments on the one that was fired

Oh dear, we are back to the quiet departure.  I think she said 'thank you' but it just sounded like 'q'.

OK, so I might be missing some feathers around my bottom so it is difficult for me to comment on fashion, but really.  What on earth have you done with your hair and why are you dressed like a member of some strange airline's cabin crew?

Not that I should be commenting on the panel, but those are definitely NOT Karren's original teeth.  Too straight, too white.  Nice, but I get the feeling that they are still a bit awkward in her mouth.

I did like the play.  Obviously it didn't work, but it is a new way of introducing a pitch.  I think that we could probably do better...

Fried's comments on The Apprentice

It is supposed to be Baked doing the comment this week.  I know that she would really have liked the programme on biscuits, she was always pigging out!  But you have me to do the commentary instead, so I hope I will do Baked proud.

So, where to begin?  The idea of a biscuit within a biscuit is mad.  But I do like Tom a lot, he is always very funny and I think that he would sit with us and give us grapes.  The idea of the popscuit is even worse.  The name sounds like what we do on the decking.

You really should not sulk if someone doesn't take on your idea.  "I don't like it" in a moany voice is not going to make people change their minds.  Live with it - sometimes you have to go with what other people want.  And they have combined the ideas together now to include something that you suggested so you can't moan too much.

" Go big or go home".  Wow.  That's massive.  It will either make or break that team.  Either they will admire the balls and make a big order or they won't like the condescending attitude...well, well, well they admired the balls, big style!  I can't believe that they didn't get one order on the other team though!

Ooooh fighting!  We do that with cabbids sometimes, but not really to this level!  If I'm honest I have to say that I don't really like Melody much because she is too full of herself.   Of course you should be proud of your achievements but not go on so much about them and make everyone else feel small.  If she did that to me I would peck her.

Difficult to call at this stage.  On one hand all of them should go really.  I'm going to stick my neck out and say Zoe should go.  Will Lord Sugar agree?

Yes he does!  If Nick or Karren leave their jobs I would definitely be a contender.

On a positive note about the biscuits, I would probably choose to eat the losing biscuit!  There was too much chocolate on the other one for my liking.

Seatbelt Sensors

Further to my previous post on this matter, the sensor does not go off when you have a bottle of wine in your handbag.  Just so that you know.  That is not to say that carrying a bottle of wine is a normal occurrence (or a bottle of Maggi for that matter), it just so happened that I was given it as a gift today and my handbag was the nearest repository for it at the time.  I will of course keep you updated with regards to any other unusual items that might find their way into my handbag and the effect on the sensor.

Chicken Heaven

Chicken heaven would have the best worms, lots of hanging cabbids and machines that fire grapes out all the time so that chickens can run after them.  Also there would be lots of other chickens to play with and they would all get on really well (well perhaps there would be the odd peck or two).  We are sure that Baked must be enjoying this experience.  She got ill again over the weekend and this time the antibiotics did not work.  It is not really the same without her here and Mum and Dad have been very sad.  Mum was at camp when it happened so Dad had to tell her over the phone.  It looked like their eyes were raining, but we have since been told that this is something called crying which is what humans do when they are sad.  Mum says that Baked will still be near us because they are going to keep her ashes in a little box.

Fried, Egg and Spoon xxx

The weather

... is very nice today which is good because Mum is going to camp.  She has explained this concept to us a little bit more; apparently when you go to sleep you don't have a proper roof over your head you just have a bit of material.  You also don't sleep in a bed, but on the ground.  In some ways we think this is quite good because it is very natural, and we go to sleep on the ground sometimes.  In other ways we think it is very odd because we know what you humans are like when it comes to rain and we can't imagine that a piece of material protects you from the rain properly.  Mum assures us that it does as long as you don't touch it when it is wet.  Apparently this is one of the rules of camping.

However, we heard the laydee on the news say that it was going to get wet later on.  Luckily we have our playhouse that we can shelter in.  Perhaps we should offer it to Mum so that she doesn't get too wet.

Fried, Baked, Egg and Spoon xxxx

Playhouse

Dad has moved the playhouse to the corner of the decking.  It is sticking out at an angle from the corner and looks very tasteful.  He says that it means that the patio does not look quite so crowded.  As far as we are concerned it means that there is more space on the patio for us to poo on.

Fried, Baked, Egg and Spoon xxxx

Camping

Mum tells us that she is going camping tomorrow.  We are not really sure what this involves but she has been packing wellies (so we infer that it will be muddy), a head torch (so we infer that it will be dark) and a pillow (so we infer that she is a wuss and needs some home comforts).  She tells us that she will be cooking spaghetti bolognese for everyone tomorrow.  We did ask that she save us some spaghetti because we like that but she said that she thinks that the 60 people that she is cooking for will be finishing it all off.

So we are going to ask Dad if he can give us spaghetti instead since he is now on duty.  He has just given us some tuna pasta bake so we reckon that we can persuade him to sort us out with spaghetti.

We have just had a lovely thought.  Spaghetti for 60 people is lots.  So maybe we will try to go to camp with Mum.  Do you think she would notice if we crawled into her sleeping bag and kept very quiet?

Fried, Baked, Egg and Spoon xxxx

P.S. This does mean that we will not be posting anything for the next few days.  Normally it is Mum that helps us with the blog and we don't think that Dad will let us use his computer.

The Bed Battle

The non-understanding of chickens continues.

Tonight Baked was on the bars sleeping and Spoon was in the nest box.  Alone.

Is it that Spoon has taken the upper hand, or simply that Baked couldn't be bothered to walk that extra few steps to the nest box?

Egg's comment on the one that was fired

Awwww wasn't he polite?  But since he thought that chickens look like naked cats or vice versa, it's definitely about time he went.

Having said that, it was a difficult call this week.  Personally I would have bought Natasha in but I am not sure that it is possible to fire someone because they say 'Yeh' too much and wear jeans when they are going on a business visit.

I like the fact that they are making biscuits next week.  Mum has never given us biscuits (I don't think she is supposed to); I think we would like them if she did.

Egg x

Egg's comment on The Apprentice

'Do you think we are going abroad?'  Don't be silly, you just need your passport for fun; numpty!

Did you know that I used to be able to speak six languages?  Chinese (e.g. Peking Chicken), French (e.g. coq au vin), Scottish (e.g. cock-a-leekie soup), Indian (e.g. chicken korma), American (e.g. KFC) and English (e.g. chicken twizzlers thanks to Jamie Oliver).
It is hilarious watching them; one the one hand you have some people who are as good as me and on the other there are those that are struggling with even speaking their native tongue ....

I'm a chicken and even I know that La Redoute is massive.  It's big over here for goodness sake so it's bound to be bigger in the country that started it.  The only negative thing is that I don't think that their chicken range is very big.

Jim, how can you push treacle up a hill?  Why would you want to?

Can I just comment on clothing, as we chickens like to do.  Natasha ... JEANS?  Really?  Did they call 'yeh' to you out of the wardrobe this morning?

Ha ha the winners got flying lessons.  I can fly, they should have come to me!

Egg x

'New Season' Cabbids

So, apparently green is the new white.  Mum assures us that what she has hung out this morning really is a white cabbids, since that is what is written on the label.  She did show us the label but since we can't read this didn't really help us very much.  However, it looks very green to us.  And a tiny bit on the crinkly side.  Therefore looking a little bit like a Savoy cabbids which we don't really like but then we haven't had one of those hung up so we might actually like it if it was.  Getting back to the point, we have tried it, and we are eating it, but really feel that a more accurate label would simply be 'Green Cabbids' rather than 'White Cabbids - New Season'.

Fried, Baked, Egg and Spoon xxxx

P.S. Mum hung up a WHOLE one this morning.  We think that this is because she is exam marking.  Again.

Friend or Foe?

How do I not understand chickens?

Last night, due to my oversight, leaving the egg port open after cleaning, Baked decided that she was going to sleep on the roosting bars and when Spoon tried to get in, she wouldn't let her, so Spoon thought that sleeping in the shed might be a good idea.  All was rectified when I shut the egg port and moved Baked back to the nest box.  Spoon sauntered in as though nothing had happened.  However, the thoughts of Baked and Spoon becoming best buddies was dashed once more.

Tonight, they are both in the nest box and by all accounts Spoon has the prime position.

How does that happen?

If anyone can offer an explanation I would be most grateful.

Happy Father's Day

Dear Dad

We did get you a card but it is here and you are not.  So you will have to wait until later to open it.  So we will wish you a Happy Father's Day on here instead.  You can share our new playhouse if you like as a treat.

Fried, Baked, Egg and Spoon xxxx

P.S. We love you.

Playhouse

We have been playing in our playhouse a little bit.  Mum bought it back this evening; it was raining when she put it up which was a lot of fun for her.  Shame it's too small for her to shelter in as well.

She has put a nice plank in it so we can perch on it, and the food can stay dry on the floor.  We think that maybe it could also face the house, if Dad moves the bbq, but we'll let him decide about that.

We like the little lantern that is hanging outside the door.  It makes it look like the front of Mum and Dad's house and gives it a bit of character.

Fried, Baked, Egg and Spoon xxxx

Rain

It has been raining again today so we have been mainly hiding underneath the bbq.  We are very much looking forward to getting our playhouse so that we have more space.  It has been so tight under there that Spoon has had to pretend to be a penguin when she was standing so that her bottom did not stick out from underneath the bbq.  Not quite as much as Mumble, a chicken in China.  Here's the story ...


Instead of scratching in the ground and roosting on a perch at night, Mumble waddles from side to side.  Farmer Lu Xi got the bird as a chick, reports CEN.  "He only has little wings, just like a penguin, which he sticks out when he walks.  I guess that's why he never flies," he said.


Local media at Jiangsu nicknamed the chicken Mumble after the character in the film Happy Feet, about a penguin who can't sing so dances instead.  Lu added: "I had not seen the film, but I like the name, although my bird can't dance - and I don't think he can swim either.  But he should be happy - my family all like him and so we decided to keep him instead of putting him in the pot."

We'd like to have Mumble come and live with us ... we think it would be fun!

Fried, Baked, Egg and Spoon xxx

A Polite Request

Dear Dad

When the title said 'a polite request' it was supposed to be about me talking to Egg.  Not for you to politely request if I could set up the Sky+ box to record something for you ...

Silly Dad!

But of course I will set it up for you.

Spoon x

A Polite Request

Egg!

Please get a move on and go up the steps to bed.

OK then, I'll just push my way past you because you are standing there looking like a muppet.

Just come on up when you're ready.

You do realise that you have spoilt the bedtime ritual now...

Spoon x

Religious Experience

Looking at and looking after chickens is a category 5 religious experience according to Richard Swinburne.  If you don't believe me then you will need to go to the library and do some private study to check it out.

Spoon's comment on the one that was fired

An interesting choice.  Polite when leaving, so that's a good thing.  Lord Sugar is starting to get tough on the ones that are left now.  They need to take on board what has been said next week or they'll be out quicker than I can lay an egg.

I might need to ask Mum to use the internet again.  Could anyone tell me what a kollostomi bag is?  If it's a bag it wouldn't be much good as a magazine would it?  Is it anything like a handbag and can you carry chicken treats in it?

Mum has just told me what it is.  I don't want any chicken treats from that bag.  Ever.

I agree with the audience.  And I think that Jim should have gone.

I like his leaving present.  I wonder if they do the same thing in a chicken shape?

Spoon x